I do understand what the doctors have told me, that I will be more and more fatigued with each treatment, and I should not exert too much energy because I could easily over do it. But I really have to say that I have never felt this way before. My house is a mess! It needs to be dusted. The laundry needs to be done. The dishes are piled up. The fridge needs to be cleaned out. My plants are all dying because I can’t take care of them. The patio furniture should be set back in place, though that can wait – around here, you just never know if the snow is really gone for the season.
Emotionally, not being able to even do the house chores is just really bad… really bad. I have had plenty of days (previous to cancer) where I just don’t feel like doing much and don’t have the energy to clean the house. This is different. I truly feel like a 90 year-old woman. And I feel like I look like a 90 yr-old woman, which doesn’t help my mental state. I never anticipated that ‘how I look’ would matter at all, but it really does. It makes me not want to leave the house. I have gained a ton of weight because of the steroids they pump me with during the chemo treatments. But if I don’t have the energy to get up and do the dishes, do you really think I am going to make my way to the gym? Ummm NOPE!
All of this treatment is meant to improve my quality of life, and I know I have said this before but what about my CURRENT quality of life? Maybe this is yet another day where I am meant to practice patience since I wasn’t born with any.