Follow this blog
  A Tale of 2 Boobies
  • Home
  • About Me
  • Breast Cancer
  • Skin Cancer
  • My Travels

5 Days After Taxol Chemo - Anxiety Sucks

4/1/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
Typically, I wait to post a written blog until a week or two after the fact - no matter what the event was.  I prefer to collect my thoughts and consider my feelings and the feelings of others reading the blog, such as my family and friends.  If I write something like "I am hungry," I certainly don't want my family or friends feeling obligated to then bring me food. 

Today, I am writing exactly what I feel in this moment.  Why? Because I don't know what else to do.  I am so filled with anxiety.  I can't just sit here. I can't stand to watch the television - everyone is pissing me off!  I do NOT care about celebrity breakups, I do NOT care about what is trending on twitter, I do NOT care about the weather.  I am angry.  Just angry in general.

Being so anxiety ridden, about an hour ago, I decided to re-organize the shoe disaster in the front doorway.  Well, that task took so much energy that I was in a full-on sweat, laying flat on the floor, breathing like a bear.  And no, this is not an over-dramatic attempt to portray my morning.  This is reality.  Before going through treatment, I would read other breast cancer blogs and think to myself - they are being so dramatic, it won't really be like that. Even now, when I write my blog a couple weeks after the fact, my partner asks why I downplay how I feel.  Well, for one, I don't want to sound so dramatic and two, I don't want to worry my family.  The truth:  Overall - this treatment is 'doable'.  BUT - there are moments when it takes every ounce of everything in your mind, body & spirit - just to get to the next moment.

It really does take a lot of mental stability to handle the chemo treatment.  I guess that is why all the doctors and nurses told me in the beginning that a positive attitude will be the best thing to get me through.  I was concerned with eating properly to starve the cancer and maintaining a healthy diet, etc... but now I know (for me), it is more about just eating whatever you are able, no matter the health value.  Get through this chemo, and then work on my healthy diet and exercise program.

As for the physical symptoms right at the moment...  Well, today is 5 days after my first taxol chemo treatment.  I have that same sinus headache that I got with AC chemo; my stomach is a big balloon of gas and it is very uncomfortable; my bones hurt in random places - it is a strange feeling.  Mostly in my legs, but in my hands as well and when I walk, I feel like I might fall, although I don't.  And, I have been taking OTC medicine for the heartburn which helps.

Keeping the positive attitude is difficult these days.  Still, I remain hopeful that these feelings and negative thoughts will pass soon.

ps I only WISH that this were an April Fool's joke.  (Since I am writing it on April Fool's Day)


Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture
    Been There Survived That

    CANCER RESOURCES

    CANCER CALENDAR

    RSS Feed

    POSTS IN ORDER

    All
    001 Feeling A Lump
    002 Biopsy
    003 - Get Organized
    004 Google Before Surgery
    005 Fear Before Surgery
    006 Fundraisers
    007 Photos For You
    008 Hospital Packing List
    009 Mastectomy Surgery
    010 Pain Management
    011 Drains
    012 After Surgery
    013 Girl With Cancer
    014 Chemo Port Surgery
    015 Breast Cancer Benefit
    016 AC Chemo
    017 Hair Loss
    018 3rd Chemo
    019-wig-or-not
    020-chemo-depression
    021-chemo-walker
    022-taxol-anxiety
    023-silent-warrior
    024-health-insurance
    025 Chemo Long Process
    026 Chemo Products
    027 Pamper Yourself
    028 40 Going On 90
    029 Walk With Me
    030 Last Chemo
    031 Expanders Went Flat
    032 Hudson River
    033 My Tractor
    034 Hair Grows
    035 Exchange Surgery
    036 Port Removal
    037 Heaven Can Wait
    038 CureDiva
    039 Radiation Mapping
    040 First Radiation
    041 Radiation #8
    042 Radiation Bell
    043 Radiation Fatigue
    044 New Normal
    045 Radiation #27
    046 Radiation Ends
    047 Last Radiation
    048 Radiation Burns
    049 Final Rad Burn
    050-be-real
    051-ptsd
    052 Weight Gain
    053 MRI Brain
    054 Dear Cancer
    055 CNY Walk
    056 Golf Benefit
    057 Tamoxifen
    058 All About Cancer
    059 Awareness Month
    060 WhatGivesMeStrength
    061 Tamoxifen & Hair
    062 Hair Obsessed
    063 - Cording
    064 Hair Growth
    065 Cancerversary
    066 Connecting With Cancer
    067 Reflecting
    068 Scanxiety
    069 Survivors Guilt
    070 Cancer Photos
    071 Tamoxifen Again
    072 Basket Deliveries
    074 Group Therapy
    075 Capsular Contracture
    076 Reconstruction Repair
    077 Implant Surgery Photos
    078 Magazine Cover
    2014 CNY Events
    2015 Events
    2016 CALENDARS
    2016 Events
    5 Years Later
    BadassBBQ
    Before After Photos
    BOOK OneYearWithCancer
    BOOK - OneYearWithCancer
    CANCER FACTS
    CANCER SONGS
    Chemo Jokes
    CNY Cancer Book
    CNY Resources
    Early Detection
    General Blogs
    Heart Card Campaign
    Inspiration
    Komen 3Day
    New Normal
    Radiation
    Radio Interview 2015
    Reduce Stress
    Statistics
    Tamoxifen

I prefer not to be defined by cancer, but my life has certainly changed because of it.
Today, the simplicity of life and small moments of joy is what drives me.
Thanks for following my journey!