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A Gift for Someone Else becomes A Gift For You

12/5/2013

5 Comments

 
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December 5, 2013

Today I am 3 days away from my surgery date - having a bilateral mastectomy, also known as a double mastectomy, with reconstructive surgery immediately following.  Today has been one of the worst emotional days I have encountered to date, but then I was sent a gift!

The fear that has set in today is difficult to deal with (to put it mildly).  I would like to just sleep the day away, but I can't close my eyes because I have been continually dreaming about drowning in a big dark lake.  Therefore, today, my behavior is that of a 5 year old who is extremely over tired.  Still organizing and cleaning as if a celeb is coming to visit, spent a couple hours crying, for no reason, and am just feeling way overwhelmed.  I can't deal with the smallest of tasks today and I have no patience!  Thank you to my girlfriend who hasn't slept either because of her very demanding job, and 'me', and big thanks to my mother who drops everything these days to answer my 16 daily phone calls, just to listen to me bitch and vent.

So, on one of my most challenging days to date, I was so thrilled to see photos arrive in my email inbox!  About 3 weeks ago, I had a photographer take some professional shots of me, as a gift
for my girlfriend for Christmas.  The photos are to depict the me before surgery, when I was still 'me' and still felt like 'me' and still had all 'me' parts attached to 'me' body...  the me that she fell in love with.

Well little did I know that these photos would end up being a healing tool for me, maybe more-so than a gift for her.  Even from the photo shoot process, which was at first, extremely uncomfortable for me (Cancer does a number on your self esteem)... but my photographer was kind, funny, down-to-earth, and made me feel very comfortable and even sexy at times.  I thank her very much for supporting breast cancer, for treating me so well, and for the wonderful experience that proved to be more of a gift to myself.

Today, it's about being grateful for the small things that put a smile on my face. 

Storybook Photography




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5 Comments
Deb
12/5/2013 12:00:10 pm

See, things happen for a reason! Jean took some great pix!

Reply
Julie B.
12/6/2013 08:28:29 pm

I don't know you personally but I do know your sister, Linda. I met her through Crop N Time where I used to be the Stampin' Up! rep. I just wanted to let you know that I've started to follow your blog and that I will be cheering you along during this process of eliminating cancer and getting to your new "normal." Good luck and fight like a girl because everyone knows that a girl like you is one hell of a fighter!

Reply
Shelly
12/6/2013 09:40:32 pm

Julie,
Thank you so much for reaching out and your kind words! I can't tell you how much strength I get from people like yourself who take a moment to let me know I am not alone. Best to you, Shelly

Reply
sue
12/7/2013 11:09:24 pm

Shelly I know we haven't been in contact for awhile but just wanted to let u know I will be thinking of you and I know your going to kick this bitchy boobie cancers ass!! Prayers for you,the girls,your girlfriend & the rest of your family.

Reply
Shelly
12/12/2013 08:28:51 am

Not sure which Sue this is but either way, thank you so much for your support!

Reply



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I prefer not to be defined by cancer, but my life has certainly changed because of it.
Today, the simplicity of life and small moments of joy is what drives me.
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