From the very beginning of my diagnosis, I have tried to 'minimize the damage' for the sake of my girls. During this process, I learned that reversing the care-taking roles from mother to child is extremely difficult for them at this age. (My girls are 18 and 20). So I certainly didn't like to act as if I were very sick. Some days that was easier than others.
One person's mood can set the tone for the entire household. Because of this, I always try to be happy and upbeat, no matter how I am feeling. Well, I learned the hard way that lying about how I feel will be a big mistake in the long run.
One of my saddest memories from the cancer treatment process was missing my youngest daughters dance banquet. She didn't realize until the day of the event, that I had not planned to go. She said "Why won't you go, you are fine, there is nothing wrong with you!" Well, the truth is that for weeks I had been portraying that I was "fine" whenever she was home. Thankfully, Mom stepped in and took her to the banquet but until the moment she walked out the door, she let me know how unhappy she was.
The banquet was held just after my chemo treatments ended and I was in a terrible state both physically and mentally. Although it still breaks my heart that I missed it, it pails in comparison to knowing I will be around for future events!