Follow this blog
  A Tale of 2 Boobies
  • Home
  • About Me
  • Breast Cancer
  • Skin Cancer
  • My Travels

It's a True Gift - The Mind's Ability to Forget

12/14/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
It’s 02:16 am and I slowly pry my tired eyes open. My hands gently lift to my chest, which is in so much pain. I feel the need to scream, but I don’t. It feels so tight, like someone has wrapped me in a plaster body cast.  When I run my fingers across my collar bone and down to my breast, everything feels tingly, sore, and swollen - hard as a rock.  I try to move my legs but they seem to be stuck by what feels like a 600 lb concrete block sitting on top of me, making it hard to breathe.  Some thoughts begin to race through my mind… Where am I?  This doesn’t feel like my bed.  What happened?  Was I in a car accident?  Why can’t I move?

Sure enough, the subconscious sleeping mind begins to awake,  and reality slowly sets in. It’s coming back to me.  I am on my couch, not in my bed. I can’t move and my chest hurts so bad because 5 days ago, I had a bilateral mastectomy.  Oh, and I have breast cancer. 

With eyes fully open, I get up, I scoop up the 2 pain pills that I have waiting for me, and I sip water through a straw. 

Here is what I have learned over the past 5 days.  In order to manage the pain, the pain medication needs to be taken at regular intervals.  The worst thing you can do, is wait for the pain to get unbearable before taking a pain pill.  Well, I have overslept about an hour.  The fact that I slept a full 5 hours is fantastic, but the fact that I am in such intense pain right now, basically just sucks.

While I sit on the couch and rock back and forth, waiting for the pain to subside, random thoughts run through my mind:

I am not extraordinary, I am simple.  I am not tough, I hurt and I am weak.  I am not strong, and am not a fighter – I am of the "flight," not fight category… or at least that’s what I always thought.  But then I remember some things that have been said to me recently, that made the tears of happiness flow down my cheeks. 

The first thing I need to remember is that I am not alone. 
Ashley posted this to my facebook wall:

Strength, courage, and the power of love
Is all you need to strive and rise above
This monster is no match for a woman like you
Because you’re strong enough to pull through
Though it hurts, you cannot let this thing win
For the world has lost too many and you can’t be one of them
Give your all as your loved ones stand by your side
Remember that you’re not alone; this is OUR fight
So never give up, we’ll get through this together
All it takes is a little bit of hope to make everything better

I wrote this for you. I love you mom! Hope you're doing okay.

This was posted to my facebook wall by Brooke:

Hi! So I've been thinking of how I should come about this all day and uhm I don't know how so I'm just shooting for the stars here!  I am honestly so excited for your path to recovery, not only because you don't deserve this awful thing trying to attack you but because you're already touching so many people. You have this vibe when you walk into a room that says "Hello, I'm Shelly. I will laugh until I cry before I leave this room, and you will be laughing with me I promise. I'm here to get sh*t done." You make friends wherever you go and that's an amazing thing to have going your way. You have so many "followers" already that this journey you're about to overcome is going to tough so many hearts! I'm excited for YOU, out of all people, to be the one to set an impact on others. I believe God chose you because He knows how strong and dedicated you are. You light up a room with your smile, you're laugh is so contagious, and you get hard work done when it needs to get done. I just wanted to say how proud I am of you nailing this life changing obstacle right on the head! With cute work gloves on of course. So I hope that all came out right and I didn't miss anything!
Love you Shell Bell xoxo

Looking at the photos of everyone wearing pink and reading the kind words of support from my family and friends, brings me comfort as I continue to sit here and rock back and forth, waiting for the pain to be at a more manageable level so I can fall back to sleep.

If you have experience with pain management, please feel free to add your story in the comments below.  I remember it being very helpful to me when I was searching the internet, to find several stories of experience.

0 Comments
    Picture
    Picture
    Been There Survived That

    CANCER RESOURCES

    CANCER CALENDAR

    RSS Feed

    POSTS IN ORDER

    All
    001 Feeling A Lump
    002 Biopsy
    003 - Get Organized
    004 Google Before Surgery
    005 Fear Before Surgery
    006 Fundraisers
    007 Photos For You
    008 Hospital Packing List
    009 Mastectomy Surgery
    010 Pain Management
    011 Drains
    012 After Surgery
    013 Girl With Cancer
    014 Chemo Port Surgery
    015 Breast Cancer Benefit
    016 AC Chemo
    017 Hair Loss
    018 3rd Chemo
    019-wig-or-not
    020-chemo-depression
    021-chemo-walker
    022-taxol-anxiety
    023-silent-warrior
    024-health-insurance
    025 Chemo Long Process
    026 Chemo Products
    027 Pamper Yourself
    028 40 Going On 90
    029 Walk With Me
    030 Last Chemo
    031 Expanders Went Flat
    032 Hudson River
    033 My Tractor
    034 Hair Grows
    035 Exchange Surgery
    036 Port Removal
    037 Heaven Can Wait
    038 CureDiva
    039 Radiation Mapping
    040 First Radiation
    041 Radiation #8
    042 Radiation Bell
    043 Radiation Fatigue
    044 New Normal
    045 Radiation #27
    046 Radiation Ends
    047 Last Radiation
    048 Radiation Burns
    049 Final Rad Burn
    050-be-real
    051-ptsd
    052 Weight Gain
    053 MRI Brain
    054 Dear Cancer
    055 CNY Walk
    056 Golf Benefit
    057 Tamoxifen
    058 All About Cancer
    059 Awareness Month
    060 WhatGivesMeStrength
    061 Tamoxifen & Hair
    062 Hair Obsessed
    063 - Cording
    064 Hair Growth
    065 Cancerversary
    066 Connecting With Cancer
    067 Reflecting
    068 Scanxiety
    069 Survivors Guilt
    070 Cancer Photos
    071 Tamoxifen Again
    072 Basket Deliveries
    074 Group Therapy
    075 Capsular Contracture
    076 Reconstruction Repair
    077 Implant Surgery Photos
    078 Magazine Cover
    2014 CNY Events
    2015 Events
    2016 CALENDARS
    2016 Events
    5 Years Later
    BadassBBQ
    Before After Photos
    BOOK OneYearWithCancer
    BOOK - OneYearWithCancer
    CANCER FACTS
    CANCER SONGS
    Chemo Jokes
    CNY Cancer Book
    CNY Resources
    Early Detection
    General Blogs
    Heart Card Campaign
    Inspiration
    Komen 3Day
    New Normal
    Radiation
    Radio Interview 2015
    Reduce Stress
    Statistics
    Tamoxifen

I prefer not to be defined by cancer, but my life has certainly changed because of it.
Today, the simplicity of life and small moments of joy is what drives me.
Thanks for following my journey!