Today is a beautiful sunny summer day with a temperature of 85 degrees, and I sit inside with the central air flowing. Not how I prefer to spend my summer, but who is complaining... This past weekend, we hosted my daughter's high school graduation party and were blessed with weather just like today. Though it was so nice to see everyone that came out to celebrate with us, the hot sun on my skin, along with my hot flashes that come every 10 minutes, made for a very embarrasing day for me personally. I wish I could say that I was glowing with gratitude just to be alive, but the truth is that the treatments that will hopefully put me into remission have left me terribly insecure and uncomfortable in social settings. I miss the me that used to thrive at parties and welcomed the opportunity to gather with friends.
Today was my 8th radiation treatment and the area of skin being radiated has turned red. Fabric touching my skin makes it feel raw so I am wearing an oversized t-shirt, and guessing this is how I shall roll for the next 5 or 6 weeks. Cancer is far from classy! Thanks Carissa for the XL t-shirt you bought me for Christmas a couple years ago!
In the photo above, you can see that two of my rings are still being worn on my pinky finger because I am still too swolen for them to fit back on my ring finger where they belong. I have had to wear them this way or not at all, for over 3 months.
At only 40 years old, I have a full head of gray hair, bone and joint pain that makes it hard to walk, hot flashes all day every day, sun burnt radiated skin, and chemo brain to boot. But again, I forgot that I am supposed to be glowing with gratitude.